spinelanguage

BLOGGING FOR METAL FANS WITH A BACKBONE

If Only This Cover Were Real

Paramore covering Behemoth. It’s as funny as it sounds.

January 16, 2010 Posted by dasher10 | Jackassery by Dasher | , , , | No Comments Yet

Raping The Classics

Please, somebody punch this man

As if Chris Barnes hasn’t wanted to punish us enough with horrible covers of great music in the past, he’s now defiled my favorite tracks by Slayer and Metallica. Keep in mind that this is the band that created the worst covers of Purple Haze and Back in Black ever to be recorded in the history of man. But this, this is too far. This is an crime against humanity, maybe even a crime against God.

I joked about Graveyard Classics 3 for years but I never thought that it would be a reality. It looks like Chris Barnes has finally had his revenge upon America that he promised in the (terrible) Amerika the Brutal. This is truly the end of our country. Chris Barnes has done his goat scream in a Metallica song which by some crazy logical paradox will send our economy further into the shitter. Words cannot describe the horror, it’s worse then 2girls1finger.com. Anybody who wants to hear Chris Barnes take a shit all over At Dawn They Sleep and The Frayed Ends of Sanity can go to: http://www.myspace.com/sixfeetunder and experience these abominations for her/himself. Goodbye cruel world.

January 13, 2010 Posted by dasher10 | Jackassery by Dasher | , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

2009 in obituaries

2009 was a year that claimed many celebrity lives and the metal world was not spared from the curse. Here are the people that you should be remembering (or going, “Oh shit! That guy died last year?!? This fucking sucks!) Read more »

January 11, 2010 Posted by dasher10 | Jackassery by Dasher | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Oh fuck no.

The American Carnage Tour has been postponed due to Slayer bassist/vocalist Tom Araya’s back surgery. Tour dates will be rescheduled to take place in May or later.

Well this sucked. The greatest metal tour since Ozzfest 2005 when Iron Maiden toured with The Haunted, In Flames, Mastodon, Black Dahlia Murder and Arch Enemy is now being pushed back to a point where it will conflict with Mayhem Fest (which hopefully will have Mayhem on it this year, ending two years of false advertising). At least this winter and early spring have a ton of other great tours going on…

I’d normally make several tasteless back surgery jokes, but there are definitely limits to Spinelanguage’s tastelessness. (Though if anyone other than a member of Slayer were having these issues, we’d totally be mocking him/her.)

January 11, 2010 Posted by dasher10 | Jackassery by Dasher | , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Detruvian Man

Corey Taylor (via Flickr)

Before I start this post, let me just say this – I know what I’m about to talk about is old news.  I know everyone and their grandmother has joked about it before.  I know that between the title of this post and the picture above, you can probably make a solid guess at where I’m going.  I have been meaning to do this for a while now and thanks to a recent post by the girls at Reign in Blonde, I can’t stand to wait any longer.  Want to take a guess?  Here it is: Corey Taylor is a disproportionate fuck.  He has a huge neck and head on top of a small body, and you’re about to witness me turn that statement into a huge unfunny blog post.  Watch and learn.

Read more »

January 5, 2010 Posted by Chris Catharsis | Buffoonery by Chris | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Blast Into 2010 via Hellbound.ca

Rolling Back Wages (via TheOnion.com)

2009 was rough year on our wallets, and it doesn’t look like 2010 is going to get much better.  Wouldn’t you like to win some free shit to help you forget about your pathetic, unsecured financial existence?  Hellbound.ca is doing their best to drown your sorrows – with this 40+ CD giveaway!  You won’t believe how awesome this is until you look at it, so without further adieu, GO!

January 4, 2010 Posted by Chris Catharsis | Announcements | , , , , | No Comments Yet

New Dark Tranquillity Song Online

Dream Oblivion, the first single from the new Dark Tranquillity album We Are the Void has been released. As usual with this band, it kicks ass, kicks puppies, kicks your mom and kicks you in the fucking balls. This is a song that’s far heavier than the band usually plays. It’s mega-awesome and it ate my children. Listen to it here: http://www.myspace.com/dtofficial

January 4, 2010 Posted by dasher10 | Jackassery by Dasher | , , | No Comments Yet

Dave Mustaine is a Crybaby (Literally)

Cry Dave, cry

According to a recent interview with ex-Megadeth guitarist Jeff Young, Dave Mustaine is speculated to be back on drugs, fired all of his bandmates for not giving him drugs, and most importantly, he allegedly cried in the bathroom out of jealousy. If this isn’t the biggest example of epic win in metal news, I don’t know what is. Read more »

January 4, 2010 Posted by dasher10 | Jackassery by Dasher | , , , , , | 4 Comments

List Frenzy

Post-Yuletide Gifts for YOU

The 100 Best Metal Albums of the Decade Top 100 Honorable Mentions

(in no particular order)

Read more »

January 3, 2010 Posted by dasher10 | Dasher's 100 Best Metal Albums of the Decade | , , , , , , , , , | No Comments Yet

Album of the Year, DONE!

Christopher Lee (via PhotoBucket)

It’s January 1st, New Years Day 2010 – and I already know my pick for album of the year.  How?  Because Christopher Fucking Lee (that is his real middle name) will be releasing a metal album in March.  But it’s not just any album; it’s a concept album about one of Lee’s distant ancestors.  Whom, you might ask?  Does the name Charlemagne mean anything to you?  Right, so as if I needed further reassurance that Christopher Lee is in fact the Alpha and Omega of badassery (which I did not), I barely get a chance to make it out of the 2010 gate before more proof is shoved in my face.

Read more »

January 2, 2010 Posted by Chris Catharsis | Buffoonery by Chris | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | No Comments Yet